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For centuries while El Shaddai stood apart, a great nation had been raised up to Abraham, the children of Israel, and all of them kept the covenant of Abraham even after they migrated from Canaan to Egypt during a “dark ages” which had been triggered by a severe long-term drought. This change in the regional climate also brought about the rapid decline of many advanced Bronze Age civilizations throughout the area of the eastern Mediterranean Sea. But Mastema’s original claim that humans would never remain loyal to Elohim if they were left to themselves utterly failed.
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Mastema no longer had valid grounds to call for the destruction of the whole human race. Thus was the oracle of El Shaddai fulfilled when she said to Abraham, “All the earth shall find blessing in you.” El Shaddai would never carry out a demand by Mastema to destroy the human race, and there was nothing Mastema could do to assail mankind from his own remote location. Without a doubt, El Shaddai knew humans were the Students foreseen by the Old One. It was clear Elohim would need to come to terms with human beings and learn to co-exist with them. El Shaddai said it was time to make the announcement to El.
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But Mastema thought to move the goal posts and try another delaying tactic. He told El Shaddai that anyone could obey a simple injunction like circumcision, but give the people a comprehensive written law like the Code of Ur-Nammu and they would soon break most of its precepts with abandon.
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Other Kinds Of Subtext
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El Shaddai’s first impulse was to ignore this foot-dragging on Mastema’s part, but she thought at the very least it would present an opportunity to break loose a concession. The children of Israel had grown very numerous but they were not free, and as a nation they had slipped into bondage under Egypt. So El Shaddai would entertain Mastema’s idea for a second test, but to carry it out she required another agent from Barbelo, preferably in the same mold of Melchizedek.
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  * CHUBTEXT--carefully examining new episodes to see if Lucy or Renee have put
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The task that would be laid before this agent was almost inhumanly great. He was to establish himself as the leader and spokesman of the children of Israel in Egypt. He was to negotiate with Pharaoh for their release, or, failing that, lead a revolt to achieve their freedom. He was to lead the house of Israel back to Canaan, the land El Shaddai had promised to Abraham and his progeny, putting down any resistance by the existing inhabitants. And finally he was to give the Immigrants a working legal code that would get their society up and running.
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    on any weight.
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  * SCRUBTEXT--hot tub scenes.
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  * SNUBTEXT--the theory that Gabrielle is merely playing hard-to-get with
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    Joxer.
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  * PUBTEXT--hints that Xena is developing into an alcoholic.
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  * DUBTEXT--accusations that Gabrielle was overdubbed by a professional
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    soprano in
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    "Bitter Suite".
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  * There is no number six.
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  * PRETEXT--Scenes hinting that Xena may have had a lady-love before meeting
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    Gabrielle.
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  * OVERSEXT--Scenes of X & G where they appear to be exhausted from last
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    night.
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  * PERPLEXT--Scenes deliberately put in to throw the audience off the trail of
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    subtext (Gab marrying Perdicus, for example).
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  * LATEXT--Scenes filmed on a tight budget, where you can see the monster is
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    really just a man in a rubber suit.
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  * SOBTEXT--An episode which leaves not an eye unstreaked by Maybelline in the
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    house.
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  * STUDTEXT--scenes which celebrate the masculinizing influence of Joxer on
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    XWP.
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  * FLUBTEXT--messed up scenes or lines that weren't left on the cutting room
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    floor.
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  * DUDTEXT--early signs the episode is going to be a stinker.
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  * MUDTEXT--Fifth & sixth season X & G mud-wrestling scenes.
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  * FUDD-TEXT: "Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbit! Hahahahahaha!"
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    Example of this: Gebrielle's notorious wrestling scene with the bunny in IN
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    SICKNESS AND IN HELL (c 1999 Pwiestess Leah All Wights Weserwved.)
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  * A synonym for the SCRUBTEXT could be TUBTEXT and THUDTEXT.
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  * HUBTEXT (a distant cousin of the PREPLEXT), can be spotted in THE RETURN OF
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    CALLISTO.
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  * JABTEXT - can always be viewed on this show.
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  * NAGTEXT - relevant mostly to the first season Gabby.
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  * WEBTEXT - the overanalyzing of the show by die hard fans with an I.V. to
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    the net.
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 +
Mastema turned once again to the city of Salem in the far west of the Middle Land and selected Prince Moshe to meet the challenge laid forth by El Shaddai.
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After four hundred years of oppression the children of Israel had been beaten down so thoroughly that Moshe found the first challenge, the task of taking up the mantle of leadership for the children of Israel, to be much easier than he had anticipated. After Moshe spoke to the people and got most of them on board with his plan to rescue them, he went before Pharaoh.
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                                        1
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body { font-size: 13pt; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,adobe-helvetica,Arial
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Narrow; color: #bbbbbb; background-color: #0000ff; } a:link {color: #ffff00;}
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a:visited {color: #ff9900;}
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How To Be An Annoying Sidekick
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  * Write the surprise ending to a story for Xena at the top of the scroll.
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  * Leave tips in Greek inns with Chin currency.
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  * Keep talking lice as pets.
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  * Pout when Xena takes away your pan pipes. Improvise by holding a blade of
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    grass between both thumbs and blowing on it to produce a piercing shriek.
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  * Sculpt bushes around the campsite into anatomically suggestive shapes.
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  * There is no number six.
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  * Fill the hottub each evening and play with your "Athenian Navy".
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  * Wear black lipstick.
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  * Help Xena fight by sprinkling glitter in the ruffians' faces.
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  * Marry some guy from your hometown who smells like a barnyard.
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  * "Rap" everything Xena says.
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  * Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce to
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    Joxer and Amarice that this is so Xena won't swipe your grub.
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  * Abandon Xena on a whim and head off home again.
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  * Buy cheap scratchy Wal-Agora scrolls instead of the nice soft quilted
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    scrolls which Xena prefers.
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  * "Holy Psycho-Barbie, Xena! Here comes Callisto! Whew, she's gone! Holy
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    Chakrams, Xena! That was a close shave!"
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Why Ares Should Be Xena's Sidekick
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  * Unike Gabby, If Ares got dragged behind Xena's horse and thrown off a
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    cliff, he would just say, "THAT'S THE SPIRIT!!!"
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  * He can't get knocked up by Dahok (The problem is keeping him out of Xena's
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    bedroll and knocking HER up.)
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  * If Ares gets out of line Xena can take away his godly sword and he will be
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    a powerless wimp.
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  * Gabby has never offered Xena her own army to RULE THE WORLD!!
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  * If Ares started traveling the countryside with Xena, Joxer wouldn't survive
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    the first episode,
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  * There is no number six.
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  * Fans of leather will go nuts if Ares teams up with Xena.
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  * If he said, "I love you, Xena," she would tell him to go over there behind
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    the bushes and "Fondle His Ferret" so they could concentrate on the
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    mission.
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  * If Xena and Ares shared a hot tub together, no self righteous groups would
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    get offended.
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  * If they replaced an episode where Xena and Gab share a bath together with
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    one where all the Amazons were smacked down by Ares and carried off by men
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    to become barefoot baby factories, that would make the self-righteous
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    groups so happy they'd air the ep right after the Super Bowl.
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How To Be A Good Sidekick
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  * Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious
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    meal - on time. This is a way of letting her know that you have been
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    thinking about her, and are concerned about her needs. Most Warrior
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    Princesses are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal
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    are part of the warm welcome needed.
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    * Renelda sez: Wrap your naked self in a waterfall mist. Look like you've
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      just been caught at an inopportune moment. Get that "just right" look on
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      your lips, girlfriend, or they'll be no nookie tonight! No dinner needed
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      for Bubba, that's not what she really comes back home for.
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  * Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when she
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    arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh
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    looking. She has just been with a lot of war-weary soldiers. Be a little
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    gay and a little more interesting. Her grim day may need a lift.
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    * Renelda sez: If you've been successful with step one, you've already been
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      touched-up and gay and now can refresh yourself by leaving Bubba to sleep
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      it off. Now you can bugger off to see your true love. "Here Horsey,
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      Horsey." Nobody knows his name yet, you keep that all to yourself,
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      precious girl!
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  * Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the
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    camp just before your Warrior Princess arrives, gathering up scrolls,
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    erotic toys, pots, pans, etc. Your Warrior Princess will feel she has
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    reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.
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    * Renelda sez: Clear all the clutter by butt-kicking the drunken warlords
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      and centaurs out of the camp ground before Bubba arrives home. Put on
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      your most virginal garment and await her great presence.
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-
 
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  * Prepare Joxer: Take a few minutes to wash his hands and face, comb his
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    hair, and if necessary, change his clothes. He is a little treasure and
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    your Warrior Princess would like to see him playing the part.
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    * Renelda sez: Prepare the baby, Joxer, by giving him away to a better
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      family. You know they will wash his tender hands and face, comb his
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      scraggly hair and adore him better than you can. Bubba never did accept
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      the fact you had him while he wasn't looking..... closely.
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  * Minimize the noise: At the time of her arrival, eliminate all noise of
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    Joxer singing and stop playing the pan flute. Try to encourage the baby to
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    be quiet. Be happy to see her. Greet her with a warm smile and be glad to
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    see her. Don't greet her with problems or complaints. Don't complain if
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    she's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what she might
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    have gone through that day.
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    * Renelda sez: So, at the last minute you decide: "No. I cannot give my own
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      flesh and blood away". You stuff him into Grandma's old truck to quiet
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      his cries. You pack up your ukulele which has been a godsend to both you
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      and the baby in saving both your sanities: then you get out the plaster
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      of Paris. By the time Bubba comes in, you have a big, red kissable mouth
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      to greet her. She asks, "Where is me dinner?". You answer, "Come and kiss
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      me you big teddy bear and find it." She does. You feel empty afterwards.
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-
 
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  * Make her comfortable: Have her lean back on a comfortable log or suggest
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    she lie down on the bedroll. Have a cool or warm drink ready for her.
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    Arrange her pillow and offer to take off her warrioress boots. Speak in a
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    low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow her to relax and unwind.
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-
 
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    * Renelda sez: Finally, Bubba's asleep. You make your horse feel really
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-
      welcomed and relaxed.
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-
 
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-
  * Listen to her: You may have a dozen things to tell her, but the moment of
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-
    her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first.
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-
 
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    * Renelda sez: Listen up, ho! Side step her attitude. Get on the right side
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-
      of the face when she walks in. Don't smug your pug to the wrong fug.
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-
 
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-
  * Make the evening hers: Never complain if she does not take you out to
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-
    dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand her
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-
    world of violence and bloodshed and her need to be home and relax.
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-
 
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    * Renelda sez: All the evenings are hers, like all the days. Bear with it.
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-
      It's a passing phase which will end suddenly when she dies. Go out and
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      buy yourself a warm bottle of red wine. She'll understand. She wants it,
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-
      too.
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-
 
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-
  * The Goal: Try to make your camp a place of peace and order where your
+
-
    Warrior Princess can relax.
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-
 
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-
    * Renelda sez: The Goal: He shoots, he scores! Oh, you mean we aren't
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-
      talking about hockey?
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-
 
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-
                                       
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-
 
+
-
Reasons Wonder Woman Is Better Than Xena
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-
 
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  * Her golden lasso is far more humane than Xena's terrifying pinch
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    interrogation technique.
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  * Her feminum bracelets could easily deflect the chakram.
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  * Wonder Woman flies in an invisible supersonic plane. Xena rides a slow-ass
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    horse, and only flies when she smokes opium.
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  * WW is an all-American wholesome piece of family entertainment about a true
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    heroine in satin tights fighting for our rights. XWP is a subversive,
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    propagandistic recruiting tool for pinko-commie pagans, radical left
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    feminists, and man-hating lesbians.
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  * Xena sucks up to Hercules too much. Wonder Woman would walk right up to him
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    and say, "Great Hera!"
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  * Lynda Carter is a REAL blue-eyed brunette.
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  * Diana Prince grew up on Paradise Island surrounded by gorgeous women, so
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    she's sexually curious about Steve Trevor. Xena grew up in a hellish
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    mercenary army surrounded by macho men, so she's sexually curious about
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    Gabrielle.
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  * Callisto would not have been able to stomach sacking all those villages
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    posing as goody-goody Miss Diana Prince, and she would have been satisfied
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    by merely revealing Diana's secret identity to the world.
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-
  * Wonder Woman keeps her red white & blue bikini in hyperspace and only puts
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-
    it on when she needs it. Xena wears her stinky brown leather thing year in
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    and year out.
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-
 
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    Nuncio added:
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  * Wonder woman only needs to put on a pair of spectacles and she is
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    completely unrecognisable.
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  * She is wholesome in and of herself, and
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    therefore does not need a clean-living sidekick.
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-
  * XWP is set in ancient Greece, but everyone dresses as if it is set in Dark
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    Age Mongolia, whereas WW is set in the present day and hardly needs any
+
-
    suspension of disbelief at all...
+

Revision as of 16:39, 10 December 2018

For centuries while El Shaddai stood apart, a great nation had been raised up to Abraham, the children of Israel, and all of them kept the covenant of Abraham even after they migrated from Canaan to Egypt during a “dark ages” which had been triggered by a severe long-term drought. This change in the regional climate also brought about the rapid decline of many advanced Bronze Age civilizations throughout the area of the eastern Mediterranean Sea. But Mastema’s original claim that humans would never remain loyal to Elohim if they were left to themselves utterly failed.

Mastema no longer had valid grounds to call for the destruction of the whole human race. Thus was the oracle of El Shaddai fulfilled when she said to Abraham, “All the earth shall find blessing in you.” El Shaddai would never carry out a demand by Mastema to destroy the human race, and there was nothing Mastema could do to assail mankind from his own remote location. Without a doubt, El Shaddai knew humans were the Students foreseen by the Old One. It was clear Elohim would need to come to terms with human beings and learn to co-exist with them. El Shaddai said it was time to make the announcement to El.

But Mastema thought to move the goal posts and try another delaying tactic. He told El Shaddai that anyone could obey a simple injunction like circumcision, but give the people a comprehensive written law like the Code of Ur-Nammu and they would soon break most of its precepts with abandon.

El Shaddai’s first impulse was to ignore this foot-dragging on Mastema’s part, but she thought at the very least it would present an opportunity to break loose a concession. The children of Israel had grown very numerous but they were not free, and as a nation they had slipped into bondage under Egypt. So El Shaddai would entertain Mastema’s idea for a second test, but to carry it out she required another agent from Barbelo, preferably in the same mold of Melchizedek.

The task that would be laid before this agent was almost inhumanly great. He was to establish himself as the leader and spokesman of the children of Israel in Egypt. He was to negotiate with Pharaoh for their release, or, failing that, lead a revolt to achieve their freedom. He was to lead the house of Israel back to Canaan, the land El Shaddai had promised to Abraham and his progeny, putting down any resistance by the existing inhabitants. And finally he was to give the Immigrants a working legal code that would get their society up and running.

Mastema turned once again to the city of Salem in the far west of the Middle Land and selected Prince Moshe to meet the challenge laid forth by El Shaddai.

After four hundred years of oppression the children of Israel had been beaten down so thoroughly that Moshe found the first challenge, the task of taking up the mantle of leadership for the children of Israel, to be much easier than he had anticipated. After Moshe spoke to the people and got most of them on board with his plan to rescue them, he went before Pharaoh.

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